i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
