party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
