Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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