We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
