Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
