Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
