I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
