Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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