New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
