sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
