Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
