You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
