So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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