your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
