can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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