onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
