Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
