i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
