Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
