dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
