he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
