no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
