Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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