I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
