hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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