After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
