I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
