I'm gonna have a badass scar
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
