a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
