Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
