I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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