we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
