Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
