his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
