Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
