textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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