I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
