Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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