I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
