It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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