Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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