if you like me you must not know who I am
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
