non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
