you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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