I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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