Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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