i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
