so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
