I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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