New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
